Therapy Marathon with Jules
Looked at feelings of unworthiness. Looked at my feet squirming and the general discomfort I was feeling. Looked at my frightened child.
Part way through found my adult consoling my child by patting my right shoulder.
This calmed my child. My adult was saying that it had everything under control.
No need for the ‘should’s of the parent. The adult would look after the fears of the child.
Notice that my right shoulder is the one that raises when I am feeling defensive. Associated with attacks from my father.
Also looked at strokes we give ourself being as good as those from others (and not requiring external validation).
On receiving strokes felt great sadness. When I acknowledged that, the sadness turned to a real happiness that flooded up through my body.
Discussed my fears of being in symbiosis with my work (and potentially clients). Looked at all the safeguards that are in place and that for symbiosis to happen I would need to undo those.
Diagram of build up of anger (over many events to explosion) at top
Bottom blue diagram is of competitive symbiosis.
Middle is child contaminating/hijacking the adult.
Also accusations from Mum, dad, pete of ‘changing job’ Saw this video today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aufdOZqwufY and realised they were accusing me of ‘quitting’. Now I realise why it hurt.
My little child gets so much fun from so many things that that is OK :-) My adult supports my child in that… it is so much fun!
Just realised, while watching the video, that I resonate with nearly all of it! My child feels sad and my ADULT can reassure him.
Also disagree with ‘me’ being the observer who sees thoughts and feelings and emotions and sensations. I see me as being all that. The ‘observer’ is part of that, but is not (in existence) without the body, and the air I breathe. and mind and soul. I suppose one view is like the ‘pilot’ me. The brain is only the frontal cortex. The other view is of beautifully interacting systems making the whole (like boromean rings).
I suppose that one examination of this would be the question, ‘where does contact occur’?
I suppose from ‘piloting’ I realise that the pilot has to train a lot so that things end up in the unconscious competence to limit the workload of the conscious self, which can only do one thing at a time.
Can the adult only do one thing at a time?